I started to write this post about my passionate pursuit of the truth and ended up deleting it, because with all the misinformation, disinformation, Deep-fakes, and propaganda out there every one has their own version of what the truth is and most would only want to argue with me about mine.
Like Pontius Pilate said, "what is truth?"
It really didn't fit the theme of my blog anyway. Although I am passionate about seeking and knowing the truth of matters as far as I am able to know a thing, blogging may not be the best way to philosophize about this.
But this is who I am. Worn rough by 33 years of working with people whose mistakes in life have made their way so far into my psyche that even my beloved wife has said I'll need some months to unlearn what these years have ingrained. She's right, too.
The stress, the deadline pressure, the constant burden of dealing with the perpetrators of crimes, their families, the victims and their families, other agencies, including other law enforcement agencies at every level with their misunderstandings and prejudices about what we do is enough to drive one nuts.
Positivity that leads to the pursuit of new passions not related to work is going to be a real challenge, but I have decided that I am more than up to it.
To do this I am going to have to lighten my emotional load some. You know--the baggage. That stuff we carry along that pollutes our perceptions of self worth in some way, for good or ill.
Snarkiness, cynicism, and profane thinking and the occasional words go with the territory. I could blame my work, but that just wouldn't be the truth. I'm capable of greater self discipline. Most of us are. We just don't choose to exercise it.
Here's the thing: My life has not gone for me as I planned. Betting yours hasn't either. That's not a bad thing. It has had its moments of great discomfort and horrible moral conundrums, some of which I paid for for years afterwards. My family, too. In those times I wanted to die, but I knew where my strength was coming from.
God got me through. Hours, and countless thousands of prayers relieved my pain. When I was ill, and doctors told me to take months out of my life to get well away from work, He carried me. I couldn't walk to the end of the street for weeks, but God lifted me.
Now, I can write about these moments in the past tense and move toward a passionate pursuit defined by God, Who carried me to this point for this reason.
Be not afraid, He said. Fair enough. Let's go.
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